Creating a Healthy Relationship with Your Live-in Au Pair
Hosting an au pair is a unique childcare experience. You, as the family, are not only managing your childcare provider, you’re also hosting an international exchange participant. It’s important to set clear boundaries and expectations for a successful cultural exchange and work experience with your au pair. And balancing a professional relationship with familial integration can feel different than anything you’ve experienced before, but trust us when we say, “It works!”. For over 35 years, Au Pair USA has been successfully matching and supporting au pair and host family partnerships and seen firsthand how incredible the experience can be for both parties.
Understanding Cultural Expectations
Whether you’re hosting a parent, sibling, or friend, having an additional person in your home and space can feel different. When you host an au pair, this individual isn’t someone you’ve ever lived with before or even spent any time with in person prior to their arrival; therefore, there will be some getting used to each other. Additionally, as your au pair is from another country, cultural differences may stand out. For example, your au pair may be used to eating dinner at a later time or have different morning rituals they’re used to. It’s important to enter into the partnership with an understanding that it may take a few attempts to figure out a seamless flow of living together.
Work vs. Personal Time
Having a set schedule and list of responsibilities / daily routines for the children are great ways to set expectations as to what your au pair is responsible for in your home. You can post this information somewhere in the home or share it electronically. Just like you have expectations of your au pair during work hours, you’ll want to ensure you’re respecting their personal time and space during non-work hours (for example, letting your kids know that they can’t enter your au pair’s room without knocking or during specific hours of the day). Additionally, you may want to include your au pair in family activities during non-work hours. Giving your au pair the option to attend family dinner, your son’s soccer game, or your daughter’s birthday party rather than expecting them to be there is best so you know you’re respecting your au pair’s free time while being open to having them present for cultural exchange opportunities.
Household Rules
Living harmoniously with your au pair means you’ll want to set some household rules. If your family is filled with early risers and you prefer to go to bed early, perhaps some rules around noise after 9pm may be important. If your family doesn’t wear shoes inside the home, let your au pair know in advance that they must remove their shoes when they come inside. Not every culture is accustomed to going to sleep early or taking their shoes off indoors. While setting rules for your home is important, it is equally as important to remember that your au pair most likely comes from a different cultural background with different rules. Ask your au pair about their culture and house rules to gain a better understanding of where your au pair is coming from. Understanding these details will allow you to have more empathy toward your au pair in case of any mishaps.
Effective Communication Strategies
Perhaps the most important part of a successful au pair and host family relationship: communication. Communicating often and effectively is extremely important when living with your au pair. Even though it may feel unnecessary since you see each other daily, we recommend regular check-ins and feedback sessions (weekly is ideal) to provide time and space for everyone to share what’s on their mind. Addressing concerns early and openly is key in resolving any issues before they become larger and harder to take care of. Remember, there will likely be cultural differences in yours and your au pair’s communication styles. For example, in some cultures, it’s considered disrespectful to make eye contact when communicating. You may consider it rude that your au pair isn’t looking at you when speaking about their concerns, but this may actually be a more polite form of communication where they come from. Don’t forget to take the cultural component into account when communicating with your au pair.
All in all, living with your au pair can be an incredible experience! There’s flexibility and reliability like no other when it comes to childcare support, and the immense benefits of cultural exchange from hosting an international au pair are greater than we can fit in this one blog post! Resources like the Host Family Handbook and your Local Coordinator are excellent ways to set your family up for success when it comes to creating an environment and situation that promotes success for both you and your au pair.
If you’re ready to get started in hosting an au pair, apply today for free! Au Pair USA is eager to meet and support you in the process of finding the right au pair for your family!
