The final months of your au pair’s time with your family can be surprisingly emotional. What began as a culturally-rich childcare arrangement may have grown into a deeply meaningful relationship—not just with your children, but with your whole household. As your au pair’s program end date approaches, it’s time to begin planning for a thoughtful, smooth, and supportive goodbye.
Whether your au pair is heading home or extending their stay elsewhere, a little preparation can go a long way in creating closure, celebrating your time together, and reducing stress for everyone. Keep reading for a practical and emotional checklist to guide your family through the final month of your au pair’s program.
Six-Week Departure Checklist
Schedule a final check-in with your coordinator
Your local coordinator will walk you through final requirements, host family responsibilities, and help you close out the program according to the U.S. Department of State regulations.
Confirm departure logistics
Make sure you and your au pair confirm flight dates and who will be handling transportation to the airport. If possible, include the whole family in the send-off. It can help both children and au pairs feel more closure.
Start transitioning responsibilities
Begin shifting routines so that kids aren’t surprised when the au pair is no longer in charge. This can include introducing a new caregiver gradually, even if that means there is overlap, accompanying the existing au pair during daily activities like school pickup or bedtime routines. It’s also important to update school and daycare records as well as other emergency contact forms.
Plan a family farewell celebration
Local Coordinator Aimee from New York shares: “Host families who plan something special—even a small dinner—create lasting closure for everyone.” Your au pair likely played a big role in making family celebrations more seamless and memorable. Return the favor and show your appreciation by throwing a special celebration for them. Include the kids in planning: decorate a cake, create a photo collage, or make a memory jar.
Create a legacy gift
Creating a tangible reminder of your time together can be the best kind of souvenir for your au pair. Help your children make something personal like a drawing, letter, personalized ornament, engraved necklace, framed picture of the whole family, or scrapbook. You might also consider giving a keepsake from your city, or printing a yearbook-style photobook of their time with you.
Prepare reference materials
If your au pair is applying to school, jobs, or another host family, they may appreciate a letter of recommendation or childcare reference. This is a nice gesture that shows your gratitude and helps set them up for success in their next position.
Return practical items
Amid all the emotions of the farewell, it can be easy to forget about the smaller, more practical things. Coordinate the return of borrowed household items like the house keys, metro or museum passes, and debit/gas cards. Also ensure that any driving permissions, insurance, or memberships are closed out or transferred.
Preparing Host Children for the Transition
Children often form strong emotional bonds with their au pair, and saying goodbye can be confusing or painful—especially if it’s their first experience with this kind of departure. Here are some ways to help your children prepare emotionally:
Talk about the goodbye early and often
Give your children ample time to process the news. Use simple, age-appropriate language and encourage them to ask questions. Trying to avoid the topic may actually end up making things harder for them instead of easier.
Acknowledge emotions openly
After sharing so many memorable, life-changing moments together, emotions are likely to run very high. Young kids, especially, may be struggling with feelings of abandonment or confusion, and it’s important they understand that this is just a program coming to an end. Let your kids know it’s okay to feel sad or have big feelings about their au pair leaving. Help them by naming emotions like “sad,” “nervous,” or even “excited for the au pair’s next adventure.” It can help to plan a special last activity together to give those feelings a place to go.
Make goodbye part of the plan
Give kids a role in the farewell process. They can help plan a goodbye party, create a handmade gift, or choose a photo to frame for the au pair. When they have a job, they feel more in control.
Reassure them about what comes next
Explain who will take over daily routines like school pickups, bedtime stories, or helping with homework. Emphasize that while the au pair is leaving, they are safe, loved, and still have lots of support.
Encourage healthy ways to stay in touch
Decide how you will remain in contact with your au pair. Just because you’re no longer living together, doesn’t mean you can’t remain close. Let your children know they can still send messages, drawings, or video greetings to their au pair, if both parties are open to it. Will it be video chat? Texts? Phone calls? You may even want to commit to a schedule of chatting weekly or monthly. Sometimes knowing the connection isn’t completely lost helps soften the transition.
Supporting Your Au Pair Emotionally
Since your au pair was likely a source of stability and support for your family,, it can be easy to misinterpret their strength as being unaffected during this time. But as Local Coordinator Jill from New York advises: “Don’t underestimate how hard this transition can be—for everyone. Help normalize the mix of sadness, excitement, and uncertainty.”
Talk about what comes next—for both of you
Discuss your family’s next steps (new au pair, local caregiver, etc.) and encourage your au pair to share their plans. It helps everyone process the change and keeps you both focus on what you’re excited about ahead instead of what you’re sad to leave behind.
Keep in touch (on your terms)
It’s okay to talk about how often you’ll stay in contact. Some families video call monthly; others send birthday messages. The important thing is to set shared expectations and boundaries.
Capture final memories
Take a few last photos as a family—at the house, at your favorite local spot, or during one final trip. It might even be nice to print out some wallet sized copies so your au pair can take a physical reminder with them. These images often become treasured keepsakes for years to come.
Closing the Chapter, Not the Connection
Saying goodbye to an au pair can be bittersweet. But when handled with care and intention, it becomes a powerful moment of reflection, gratitude, and growth for everyone involved. And what a beautiful thing to have experienced something positive enough to miss.
As Local Coordinator Suzanne from North Carolina puts it: “You welcomed someone into your home, and now you’re sending them back into the world changed—for the better. That’s a beautiful thing.”
Not quite ready to say goodbye to your au pair? Great news — you don’t have to! Bookmark this resource, and learn how to extend their stay for up to a year.
